My mind is not still. It could be the coffee. I think it is the coffee. But it’s also the fact that I’m fully immersed in a social justice education, that I live with 11 intelligent, justice-minded individuals, and speak with four incredible role models for a justice-motivated future in the form of staff members every day. It’s hard not to drink the Kool-Aid, if you will. Organic, local and union-run Kool-Aid, of course.
But I’m also a somewhat lost and confused post-college, over-educated, under-employed 20-something (how many articles have you read on THAT topic in the past year?) who is avoiding like the plague but knows she must soon look at “the next step.” So I have conversations about privilege and being off the grid versus on the grid and zones of justice and changing the system. And then I go get ice cream, and I feel better.
But my un-still mind continues to remind me that I am young and impressionable. Every time a new idea, a new project, a new aspect of some sort of inequality is brought up, I think, “There we go! I could do that! That’s a great entry point for me.” Then I think, “No, no, I should work on this aspect of the issue. That is much more suited for me.” And I jump to 100 different career paths and life paths and skill sets and issues and then I think I’m not qualified for that work and I can’t work for free any more but the economy is a mess so how will I ever find a job anyway and then I think that getting a job is perpetuating something I don’t believe in but I’m a spoiled white kid that I can even think that but everything I do is leading to the apocalypse and if I’m not vegan I should just turn in my chacos for business casual and let the apocalypse come because then at least I get to enjoy my ice cream in peace.
And sometimes it all feels so exciting that I just can’t wait to get started. And then I realize that I’ve already started and it’s already exciting. And then I realize that not every moment has to be exciting to be good, and not every moment has to be good, and sometimes I just need to stop. Slow down. Be calm. Do some yoga. Feel the chi and whatnot.
And then I vow once again to never ever drink coffee, and oh yeah, I should probably give up ice cream, too.